In my story, Solitary Sands, I attempt\nto relay the experience of a person with ADHD and Narcolepsy in college. The\nusage of ADHD medication is one that is often mislabeled as unnecessary due to\nthe strong misplaced idea that the condition does not warrant medical\nintervention. If they believe it does, the next thought is that the person\ncould avoid usage of stimulants and if they use stimulants they are seen as a\ndrug addict. Yet people use alcohol, marijuana, tobacco, and other illegal\ndrugs recreationally frequently, but it is not seen as frowned on. It is all\nfun or the occasional \u201cfix\u201d. Even if the person needs the stimulant\nintervention for reason\u2019s of ADHD or Hypersomnia, they are still blamed for\ntheir disability, seen as being able to be healthier to not need the\nmedication. This issue is awful for people prescribed stimulants on college campuses,\nall are regarded as having drug problems or being drug dealers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Health centers on campus refuse to\nrefill the prescription, causing the student to go out of their way to get\nsomething they need. When they complain about this struggle and how it may\nimpede their ability, they are again told that maybe they should be using a\ndifferent medication. Doctors are the only ones who are really justified in making\nmedical judgement, yet when it comes to ADHD diagnosis or medication, people\nwill go out of their way to tell you what YOU are doing wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not only this, but ADHD is regarding as\na slang word for when people are having trouble staying on task. This is\nproblematic because this takes away from the seriousness of the disability. More\noften than not, the people that make these comments might be the same people\nthat think that ADHD does not need medical intervention and regard people who\ntake medications such as Adderall as inferior to them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the story, the main character, Roxanna, has used amphetamines for most of her public education, but stopped in her Community College education, simply because she did not want to rely on them. She progressively had issues of falling asleep in class and focusing, but would attempt to power through. Towards the end of her Sophomore year she got back on the medication, much to her Father\u2019s dismay, and was able to knock out the difficult Statistics class. She stopped falling asleep in class and realized the possible connection. Roxanna\u2019s doctor tested her for Narcolepsy and she was positive\u2014she is put on a regulated prescription of Adderall to manage her symptoms. Once she goes to her new 4 year University, she is faced with a lot of struggles simply for having the prescription. Fear of it being stolen (it is enforced that college kids will steal it), fear of not getting a refill on time, fear of judgement, and the like. I cover these struggles between dialogue between her and her roommates. Two of her roommates appropriate her condition to their convenience and see her as a source for the \u201cfix\u201d they may need for studying. The perception of a person with ADHD medication being a drug dealer is more often not self made, but made by others who perceive the ADHD afflicted\u2019s medication as public property. It is seen like a courtesy equivalent to sharing alcohol or marijuana. This is problematic as the mental impairment is not regarded seriously and people see the afflicted as a recreational resource. It is similar to what we have read in class regarding how the disabled body is not seen as an equal, but rather as a fascination (a freak) or a resource to be manipulated for personal gain.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
April Wobken<\/p>\n\n\n\n
4\/2\/2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
ENGL 384<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Foss<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Solitary\nSands<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked around the room, my roommates were nowhere to be seen, just boxes half full and empty. I was still unsure. \u201cWhere is it, mom?\u201d I gave her a look, implying the subject matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She looked at me but continued to walk out into the living\nroom. \u201cOh, your Adderall?\u201d I winced and shushed her, but she ignored me and\ncontinued. \u201cI left it in your medicine cabinet.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I quickly walked over to my room and dove for the medicine cabinet.\nIt was perched lazily on the shelf and I repossessed it, hiding it in my purse.\nHorror stories about taking Adderall and amphetamines were thrown my way\nwhenever it was discovered that I am prescribed it. Most commonly, ones of\ncollege kids abusing them. I walked back towards the living room and heard\nSusan\u2019s mother, Karen, narrating about how Susan used to take Ritalin when she\nwas a child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid you know there was this big epidemic where doctors over\ndiagnosed ADHD?\u201d Karen paused, barely retaining her excitement, \u201cI was so glad\nwhen I found this out, I took Susan off those horrid things immediately.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWow, I had no idea.\u201d Mom seemed to be at a loss for words\nand seemed to consider her claim. I bit my lip in irritation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Karen continued, \u201cThere are better alternatives to ADHD\ntreatment, Susan takes rhodiolia rosa and does a lot of yoga. Mindfulness is a\ngreat method to bring focus to the unfocused mind.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMom, are we going to go out for dinner?\u201d Susan seemed\nimpatient and I was grateful for the change of subject. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh, yes sweetie. I am coming.\u201d I started to make my way into\nthe living room and Karen acknowledged my presence with a sympathetic pout.\n\u201cNice to meet your Mrs. Twehaus and Roxanna. I hope this new school and year is\ngood to you and my daughter.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\nsmiled. Karen walked over to my mom on her way out, whispering very loudly, \u201cDo\nconsider what I told you.\u201d Karen patted my mom\u2019s shoulders and seemed pleased\nwith herself. The door quietly shut.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mom said nothing of it that day. My other two roommates moved\nin later that evening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
***<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I did not understand Honor Code, not for lack of honor or\nhonesty. Growing up, I had to take my medication at home or in the nurse\u2019s\noffice. When taking Adderall, you not only gain relief from symptoms of ADHD\nand Narcolepsy but additional skills such as caution and mistrust of people,\neveryone is an enemy because everyone wants your \u2018drugs\u2019. Especially the\ncollege kids\u2014my roommates, my neighbors, simply all of the students.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Locking doors was common sense to me, I did not need to grow\nup in the city to know that. Yet it seemed that when I flipped out on my\nroommates for leaving the apartment door unlocked, I was regarded as the\nsuspicious one. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRoxanna, UMW has an honor code\u201d, Kelly said proudly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYea, I know that you\u2019re a bit new here, being a transfer\nstudent, but Kelly and I have been keeping these doors unlocked since Freshman\nyear.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rita stayed silent while fixating her gaze at the large\nwindow in the living room and the people playing soccer in the yard. I rolled\nmy eyes. \u201cSeriously? Things could easily get stolen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut they won\u2019t, honor code.\u201d Susan reinforced and Kelly\nnodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo, you are so confident about this, that you are willing to\nrisk having something important stolen?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Susan and Kelly both nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy even take that chance?\u201d I sighed irritably, \u201cAnd without\nyour roommates\u2019 consent? I live here too.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Susan folded her arms. \u201cLook, Roxanna, I get where you are\ncoming from. But honor code is something the students take seriously, I get\nthat being on Adderall makes you paranoid, but trust me no one is going to\nsteal your drugs.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I gasped and felt my face become hot. Rita stared at me\nquietly and Kelly tilted her head. \u201cI am not paranoid, and I do not appreciate\nyou announcing my medications out loud.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Susan shrugged and Kelly awkwardly stumbled over to the\nkitchen to busy herself with lunch. I retired to my room to study.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Later in the night Rita approached me and told me that if\nanything, we could lock our bedroom door, if that would make me feel better. I\nnodded and expressed gratitude. Rita didn\u2019t seem bothered by much; it was surprising\nfor her to be bothered for someone else. Maybe I was reading into it too much, she\nmay have been avidly avoiding conflict. My mouth felt dry and my brain\ncompressed, as if it was dehydrated through thousands of straws. I had been\noverdoing it lately and had been only taking one instant release a day instead\nof two. Adderall crashes were not pleasant, but not unbearable, unless I was\nunder high stress and overly fatigued. I wanted to study more, but I resigned\nmyself to sleep. I nearly forgot to lock the door, Rita had gotten the door\nwhen she came back in from her last smoke break and I felt at ease. I slept\nbetter that night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
***<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few weeks had passed and I busied myself with club\nactivities in my free time. I made a few friends and started dating a boy name\nLuc. I was incredibly grateful to have him because I felt much more at ease\nhaving someone to spend time with. My roommates were okay, Kelly and Susan\nseemed to have their own system that Rita vaguely went a long with. They would\noften make dinner and would share, but if Kelly was making it then it would\nonly be vegan food. I appreciated the efforts because it made things a bit less\nawkward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rita was often entranced by the shapes her cigarette smoke\nwould take and took solace in exploring that world each after breakfast each\nmorning and before bed each night. Despite drinking Red Bull like water, she\nalways was courted by her drowse. I felt reluctant to allow myself too close to\nRita for fear that it would cause conflict. Rita seemed to know Susan and Kelly\nreally well but seemed oddly distant, but I was too scared to risk it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rita reveled her selective vulnerability to me when I\nstumbled into my bed with muffled sobs after fighting with Luc. He had told me\nthat maybe if I studied harder and had more discipline, my ADHD wouldn\u2019t be so bad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rita had been tucked away in her strategically placed\nblankets but dragged herself into an upright position. She kept it simple and\nallowed her body to be comfortable in its habitat, wearing a white crop top and\nunderwear. \u201cBad party?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBad sex?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I paused. \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She placed pillows in her lap, propping her elbow on the\npillow, to then prop her chin on the palm of that hand. \u201cThen what?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I explained to her what Luc said and she listened closely.\nShe chuckled to herself when I explained what Luc said and shook her head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMany people \u2018think\u2019 they understand ADHD, as if they were a\ndoctor themselves.\u201d She paused and inhaled from her vape. \u201cYou won\u2019t see no self-proclaimed\n\u2018experts\u2019 on Leprosy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnyone can be distracted.\u201d I felt hopeless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNormal distracted is different than ADHD distracted. Just as\nDiabetic hunger is different than normal hunger and as AIDS\u2019 flu is different\nfrom normal flu.\u201d Her eyes were distant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYea, I never thought of it that way.\u201d The constriction of my\nlungs eased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYea, probably because people like to make slang out of\ndiseases. \u2018I am so OCD today\u2019 or \u2018I am so ADHD today, I cannot focus!\u2019 or \u2018That\ngirl is cancer.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh! Yea once when my friends and I were goofing off, one\nsaid to the other, \u2018Stop acting autistic\u2019.\u201d I paused. \u201cEven I laughed though.\nIt\u2019s like saying something is silly in a stupid way.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYea, but more people are Autistic than you think. Judy from\nStatistics is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShit really?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYea.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShe doesn\u2019t seem autistic.\u201d I paused. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut she is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I knew I was wrong but had no words to process it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThink about your description, that association alone will\nbuild up the interpretation\/bias that autistic people are stupid and silly.\nEven if that is not what you meant, using that word as slang to replace stupid\nor silly immediately connects the association to the people with the\ncondition.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI really know nothing about autism,\u201d I spoke slowly and carefully,\n\u201chence I don\u2019t have the agency to define her condition, she and her doctor\ndoes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo one likes a know it all.\u201d Rita laughed. \u201cJust as long as\nyou at least try to hear all that needs to be said and understood, that\u2019s what\ncounts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYea.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s like Luc saying he was so ADHD today, despite his implication\nthat it is not a real issue.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know it\u2019s real though.\u201d I spoke stronger and a bit louder.\n\u201cSometimes I get into fads where I buy planners and write out everything that\nneeds to be done in the next 3 months. But then I lose it, or forget about it.\nOr I get on this kick that I will remember what I need to get done.\u201d I paused<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rita listened to my struggles and gave me a piece of her mind\nabout Luc. Though she was engaged in our conversation I found her to be a bit\nintimidating in her certainty about things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
***<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Susan would rarely engage me in a conversation outside of\nshared living room time and dinner. Kelly however, would frequently ask me how\nI was doing to a point of scheduled madness. This only led to small talk that\nnever deepened and I found it infuriating; it was the kind of small talk forced\nat Thanksgiving Dinner with people you only see for the sole fact that they are\nrelated to you. Refusing this social gesture would be rude, so I did my best to\nkeep it satisfied and at bay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had just quelled her recent outburst that occurred during\nmy intent watching of \u201cGame of Thrones.\u201d I so desperately wanted to finish the\nepisode and she even commented, \u201cYou don\u2019t have to pause it, I\u2019ve already seen\nit.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nevertheless, I got in a whole two more episodes in, a real\nsteal, before she came in again to ask about my classes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I decided to try to be a bit less flat. \u201cWell they are okay,\nlots of group projects, and I lose track of my schedule so easily. Psychics is\nridiculous because of this one kid.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kelly twirled her hair while staring at the blank tv screen\nand nodded her head. \u201cYea. I\u2019ve got 4 papers due. One of them is for a\nphilosophy class about Rene Descartes and his theory is wack.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI remember him. I took philosophy before but focused on Nietzsche.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe paper is 8 pages long and I cannot use over 5 quotes.\u201d\nKelly continued. \u201cI am so overwhelmed I cannot even focus.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI spent hours on this paper last night and it is due\ntomorrow, but I am on the cusp of falling asleep, Roxanna.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDrink some coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kelly sighed loudly and Rita exits the bedroom, heading for\nthe kitchen. \u201cRoxannaaaa, I already did.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen sleep now and wake up early?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo way!\u201d Kelly lifted her arms up above her head. \u201cIf I do\nthat I will oversleep with how tired I am!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, I wish I could help you, but I got nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kelly smiled and quickly restrained it. \u201cHey, I was wondering,\nif you could spot me an addy?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My fingers tensed. Rita gaped and returned to her dinner\npreparation once she noticed me staring. \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kelly smiled and put a jovial hand on my shoulder. \u201cBefore\nyou say no, just know that I am not oblivious to the fact that you are a\nstudent and I am not expecting charity. I will give you five bucks for one.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat do you think I am? A drug dealer?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo!\u201d Kelly was surprised. \u201cHold on a second.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThis is my prescription and I actually NEED it.\u201d I shoved\noff her hand and stood up. \u201cNo, Kelly. If you want Adderall, get the\nprescription your damn self.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRoxanna, I only need it this once. Why would I need a\nprescription?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo, my medication is just recreational to you?\u201d I did not\nwait, I continued to my door and made myself safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
***<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was a warm evening with a hint of mist calming the air. I\nlit a few candles and enjoyed time in the living room, reading a book. Rita was\nin our room and the other two were gone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Halfway into my book, with the candle\u2019s lemongrass aroma\nmelding into the misty air I was at ease. So much so that I was beginning to doze\noff, which was impossible on my medication. I noticed my body developing a\ntolerance to the medication, I began falling asleep in class again and if\nenough time passed in stillness I would fall victim to sleep\u2019s clutches. Asking\nfor a higher dose was like asking for judgement with a side of mere possibility\nfor the desired results. I felt like a codependent girl crawling back to her old\nabusive boyfriend, only the boyfriend was my doctor and my parents. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daddy would say, \u201cI hope you are not developing a dependence\non this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mother would say nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was a courtroom trial to prove that I was not a drug\nabuser and yet I knew that I needed the medication in a way that made my body\nfeel awake, alert, and grounded. I had been on the lowest dose for a year now, some\ngot to get upped in 6 months. I took magnesium, cut back on vitamin C, and did\nmy best to avoid taking the medication on the weekend. Giving my body a break\nwas crucial, it helped me not develop a tolerance so quickly and I always did\nit in high school. I went without Adderall in community college, but in my last\nsemester there I had to get back on it because I was failing my classes. I\nusually bullshit my way through material because no matter how much time I made\nfor studying, sleep would claim me or another temptation of the mind. Once I\ngot back on Adderall, surprisingly I stopped falling asleep throughout the day\nand taking naps, it was an added bonus. I found out I had Narcolepsy. I knew I\nwas responsible with my medication, yet I often ran through these narratives in\nmy head to convince myself. Daddy never seemed to believe in me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The candle flickered and a gust of wind blew through the screen.\nI felt the pull of the clouds enticing me and as I tried to read the page\nbefore me, it blurred and I felt gravity pressing into me. My eyes fought sleep\nbut it was dragging me to hell. If I wasn\u2019t careful, I could probably sleep all\nday, off medication. I feared sleep like one who fears death, it was all the\nsame. To be asleep is not equivalent to being truly alive and it seemed my consciousness\nwas kidnapped into this void that loved me and doted on me more than reality\nitself. It scared me because sleep was enticing more than life itself, and that\nis why I loathe it. A girl loathes the man that batters her, but for some\nreason stays with him despite it all, because she finds some sort of solace in\nhim. The sandman called for me often. The weakness and loneliness from my\ndisabilities grew rapidly since being in this university\u2014those sentiments\ndeeply crave comfort and sleep offered it, so much so that my fragmented dreams\nand void space became a frontier I desired to reside in. If I could describe\nwhat I barely remember, it would be a realm of warmth: warm breezes, perfect\nhumidity, soft light in the sky, sand warm from the passing day\u2019s blistering\nsun, and ocean waves like a white noise machine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In Linguistics I felt my mind being interested in the subject\nmatter, wanting to soak the knowledge in, but Sandman knew me better and promised\nme more knowledge. My mind was dead space when awake and the school\u2019s desire\nfor an arctic tundra made me cave into myself for warmth. I felt like a\ncollapsing sandcastle, being eroded by the waves and seduced into their cradle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I could take another Adderall, then I would feel it again,\nbut I didn\u2019t. It would be at 20MG and I wanted to rise to 15 MG. Not without my\ndoctor\u2019s approval, it had to be done right. It was coming close to my 6-month\nmandatory in office visit, since it was a controlled substance. I would address\nit there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My mind processed the nearing struggle in fragments and it\nbecame muted as my eyelids tremored into sleep\u2019s clutches. I was startled\nviolently when I heard loud laughs traveled outside in the halls and into my\napartment. Two men\u2019s laughter became unmuffled as they opened my door and\ncasually walked in. I gasped and only one seemed apologetic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t mean to startle you, I am with him.\u201d The boy was\ntall and muscular, clad in a soccer uniform. He pointed to his darker friend,\nalso on the same team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t care who you are with, you knock as a curtesy before\nyou may be permitted to enter someone\u2019s space.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My bedroom door cracked open and Rita nestled in the crack to\nquietly observe. \u201cOh c\u2019mon, you know me Roxanna. I am a friend of Susan\u2019s. The\nnew Walking Dead is premiering tonight and Susan said we could come use y\u2019all\u2019s\nTV, after all our PlayStation is here.\u201d He pointed to the hooked-up PlayStation,\na marker of his territory. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhatever, you jerks just make yourself at home.\u201d I blew out\nmy candles and gathered my things. Rita stepped back and welcomed me in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDon\u2019t let it get to you too much.\u201d Rita paused. \u201cKelly and\nSusan have lived very open lives and believe that everything is okay so long as\nit\u2019s fun.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I jump up onto my bed and settle into my blanket. \u201cMust be\nnice to be so happy and full of energy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rita twirled her finger into the blanket fibers. \u201cI used to\ntake Ritalin; I get the paranoia. My docs told me how college kids loved\namphetamines and I needed to be careful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYea, treat you as if you will sell drugs or give them out\nlike candy if they don\u2019t remind you.\u201d I sighed in irritation, feeling a bit\nunderstood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRight?\u201d Rita took a drag from her juul. \u201cI got put on\nWellbutrin, they said it would be better for me, non habit forming and what\nnot. I am confident no one is going to steal my drugs now at least.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI used to take that too. It has a similar dopamine enhancing\neffect as amphetamines, but it really did not help me enough.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYea, it doesn\u2019t help me either.\u201d She sighed and gazed at me\nin understanding and envy. \u201cI got into vaping because my mind felt like dead\nspace, the nicotine at least calms it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMy friend became an avid smoker once she lost her health\ninsurance and Adderall\u201d, I recalled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI miss it. Life was better. I feel so out of it and people\ndon\u2019t have the patience for you once you are obviously dysfunctional. Kelly and\nSusan are like that\u2026\u201d Rita trailed off and her eyelids were weary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt the silence and heard the clock\u2019s tick. I forced an\napology but she shrugged while mumbling to herself before escaping into her\nphone. In the morning, I looked under my pillow to make sure my Adderall was\nstill there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
***<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCan I get an extension? Please?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cFor not having your refill yet?\u201d The professor sighed.\n\u201cIsn\u2019t it your responsibility to make sure that this is handled, how hard is it\nto get a refill?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cTwo hours away, because my primary\ncare is the only one that will refill it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIf it is so hard to get, maybe you\nwould be better off getting a different medication?\u201d He tapped his pen. \u201cOne\nthat is not controlled of course. I hear there are great alternatives, like\nWellbutrin.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cSir, with all due respect you are\nnot my doctor.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNo, but I am your professor, and\nyoung lady I think you need to be more efficient about your time management\nskills. Stop procrastinating.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMy car is broken!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou can always get an Uber,\ncouldn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I bit my lip while my nails burrowed\nin the palms of my hands. My mind was disconnected from words. My body went\nautopilot and left his office.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was near exam time and well past refill time. I could not\nmake the drive down to my home, bcause I was very ill. Sometimes I could push\nmy prescription a week over and still have some pills to spare if I rationed\nmyself to one pill a day. However, with it being the week before exams I took\nthem as prescription dictated, twice a day. Now I only had two to ration and a\nweekend to get the paper. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No doctor in the area that would take my insurance felt\n\u201ccomfortable\u201d prescribing Adderall to a college kid. \u201cCollege kid\u201d was all\nthere was to my identity. It did not matter if I was 22, a bit older than the\naverage college kid. I stuck to my primary care provider back home, a two-hour\ndrive. He would only fill the prescriptions by paper and it was illegal to send\nit by mail. I would make the two hour drive each time\u2013It was worth it. But now\nmy car wouldn\u2019t start and I began to have a meltdown that I tried to conceal\nwhen returning to my room. The apartment appeared empty, so I screamed and\nsobbed loudly. Anytime I tried to confide in people about how frustrating to\nwas to fill the prescription I was often met with life suggestions. Like maybe,\nI shouldn\u2019t rely on something so difficult, there were better options for ADHD\ntreatment that were not illegal after all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I did not even bother mentioning the fact that I was\nnarcoleptic, that was even more misunderstood. People would often attempt to\nintroduce me to the unknown frontier of sleep, and how important it was to not\ndrink caffeine before bed and get enough sleep. I never felt well rested, even\nif I sleep enough, too much, or too little, it was all the same. Surely I was\nmistaken, and perhaps a better diet would assist me. Recommendations to go\nvegan were frequently thrown my way. Even when I told them I was prone to\nanemia. Even if I told them all the things I tried to be more natural, all the\ntime I spent in a healthier life, and how that made no overall difference\nunless I could be awake and alert. Even though I spent 2 years without\namphetamines or without even missing them, I was labeled as being dependent.\nWhen I was struggling to get the paper prescription the people regarded me as a\nstarving addict needing her fix.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt shame. My struggles were only met with criticism and\nscrutiny. I was a drug addict no matter what I did or thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My flesh felt stagnant and dried into leather. My tongue was\nraw from the impulse to chew on it, the dead space provoked strange voids and\nreactions to stay awake. My flesh craved pain, nothing extreme, but sensation\nof burrowed nails and pressure. I cupped my hand into the pointed edge of my\nbed post and massaged the bones. My flesh felt dead and begging for validation.\nTimes like this I wondered how far away death is from sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I found sanctuary in my room and the Sandman\u2019s pull became\nlouder. The sands were warm and free from time\u2019s laws. The white noise echoed\ninto my head while my vision tremored into five fragmented rotating pictures,\neach having a gravitational pull of their own. The fragmented images grew larger\nand coaxed my skull into submitting to my pillow. I found less logic in being a\nwarrior for my basic needs, that which are not arguable for others when hungry\nor thirsty. My fear of sleep was dismissed and outright ignored, I questioned\nit and began to wonder if sleep had been my true friend all along. The Sandman\npromised me peace and acceptance; it was delivered each time I spent adequate\ntime in the sands. I didn\u2019t want to believe in \u201cfantasy\u201d but it seemed\npreferable than \u201creality\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I resided myself into the warm sand. The grains had a gentle\nvibration that felt like a slow heart beat strumming my skin. My eyes fluttered\nas the particles tickled my lashes and the grains returned to the collective. The\nwaves gradually painted my flesh with more grain and solidified its form with\nmoisture. The sun was a dimmed beige that faded into the faded desert rose sky.\nDespite the sand\u2019s warmth, I began to feel chilly, but he knew and attended me\nwith his own blanket. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In my story, Solitary Sands, I attempt to relay the experience of a person with ADHD and Narcolepsy in college. The usage of ADHD medication is one that is often mislabeled as unnecessary due to the strong misplaced idea that the condition does not warrant medical intervention. If they believe it does, the next thought … Continue reading “April Wobken’s Major Project: Short Story “Solitary Sands” Regarding Stigma on ADHD\/Hypersomnia”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":64,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[79,76,77,78,80],"class_list":["post-1387","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-adderall","tag-adhd","tag-invisible-disability","tag-narcolepsy","tag-sleep"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/papJgd-mn","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.chris-foss.net\/dislit19\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1387","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.chris-foss.net\/dislit19\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.chris-foss.net\/dislit19\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/courses.chris-foss.net\/dislit19\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/64"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/courses.chris-foss.net\/dislit19\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1387"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/courses.chris-foss.net\/dislit19\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1387\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1388,"href":"https:\/\/courses.chris-foss.net\/dislit19\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1387\/revisions\/1388"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.chris-foss.net\/dislit19\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1387"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/courses.chris-foss.net\/dislit19\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1387"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/courses.chris-foss.net\/dislit19\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1387"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}