Autism: The Rift Between Parent and Child
Found within Craig Romkema’s “Perspectives” and also Jim Sinclair’s Don’t Mourn For Us, is the problem of an existing gap in understanding or consensus between an autistic child and their parent(s). Through analyzing these two pieces, it can be established that to bridge this lack of understanding between parent and child the first thing that must be done is to formulate some kind of communication that works and also avoid separating the child from their autism. The manner of what medium this communication may be exhibited through and the level of sophistication/understanding that is brought forth due to this communication is irrelevant. The goal in this establishment of understanding, without envisioning an autistic child as not having autism, should help parents to understand their child’s situation more clearly and overall make their relationship stronger.
In Romkema’s “Perspectives” he begins the poem by presenting the explanations for his autistic behavior through the eyes of “experts”,”Eastern Mystics”, “Psychologists”, “Optometrists”, and “Researchers”. This variance of explanations leads readers to conclude that we truly don’t know why exactly people of an autistic nature do the things that they do, whether they fall under any one categorization of autism (verbal, nonverbal, etc.). In presenting the measurements of his physical processes and body, “…measuring my head, the tightness of my muscles, the tracking of my eyes, the dysfunctions of my stomach.”, Romkema exhibits to us implicitly that there is no singular point of explanation for the nature of autism; mankind cannot yet express the etiology of autism. This lack of explanatory signs is one of the main reasons for parents separating their child from it’s autism, when people don’t have an explanation for behavior they would rather detach that behavior from the “reality” of things such as a living, breathing person. Romkema introduces an important point in saying that some of the researchers who were supposedly trying to help him “overcome” his autism were wrong from the beginning in thinking that as a nonverbal autistic, he could not understand a thing they were saying. Not only is this extremely demoralizing to any sort of person but it brings up the almost obvious solution to this gap that parents of autistic children oftentimes miss, communication. “…somehow we would find each other / connect.” is utilized after this to show that without reciprocation from their child, parent’s can feel discouraged and think that possibly their child has a disconnect from them; that their child is unable to relate to them thus viewing the autism as a barrier in the formulation of their relationship. Romkema then turns his role around in this poem establishing himself as a “researcher” rather than being seen as a victim of autism which is implicit in the beginning of the poem. This idea of an autistic as their own researcher for the disorder brings up an idea differing from what is generally done in medical research, since there are no completely proven reasons for how and why an autistic person acts we can learn best from them since they are the ones who perceive the world through an autistic lens. The idea of communication here acts as a catalyst, the establishment of some form of communication between an autistic person and the people around them is what paves way for the conception of self-research. This communication does not only give an autistic person the ability to make themselves heard but it also lets them be seen as a person with their own individual thoughts and feelings. The idea of seeing an autistic person as an individual with their own desires is seen through Romkema’s repetition of, “Watching my fingers, / Doing nothing, / Down in my room.” Since he established that he is fully able to comprehend the world around him, he earned his right as a person to be left alone to do what he pleases without constantly having to put up with studies and people disrespecting him to his face. Finding a form of communication within this poem offers a solution to the problem of parents, or even random people, in the lives of autistics not letting them decide what they wish for themselves.
Don’t Mourn For Us by Jim Sinclair establishes a very clear theme of parents of autistic children not understanding their words and treatment to these differently abled kids. Sinclair opens the short piece by describing parents initial reaction about finding out that their children are autistic by stating it as, “the most traumatic thing that ever happened to them” (Sinclair, 1). Parents of autistic children feel that the greatest tragedy they could have been given is having a child who expresses differently than what they originally expected. In a sense, the parent is selfish in their way of thinking by seeing this child as a detriment to their life solely based on the fact that that their current autistic child did not meet their preconceptions. Sinclair breaks down his short story into three different categories outlining important messages to parents of autistic children.
“Autism is not an appendage,” is Sinclair’s first important message that signifies to parents that they need to expel the notion that their child may someday be “normal” (Sinclair, 1). The child is autistic and will always be autistic, so the exploration of possibly “relieving” the child, but mostly the parents, of the disorder is a waste of time. Unfortunately, trying to wish that the child did not have autism translates as wishing, “the autistic child I have did not exist, and I had a different (non-autistic) child instead” (Sinclair, 1). This leaves these autistic children feeling unworthy and under appreciated for what they have to offer. This mindset in parents of children who have this disorder is a huge setback for positive representation in the autism community and for their autistic child.
The second representational message states, “Autism is not an impenetrable wall,” showing that parents of an autistic child may not connect the same way they expected (Sinclair, 1). Parents were prepared to interact in a certain manner with their new child and did not come to terms with having to communicate in another fashion. “It takes more work to communicate with someone whose native language isn’t the same as yours,” which makes it difficult for some parents to understand (Sinclair, 1). A new form of communication and interaction needs to be established with both parent and child to help create bonds that the autistic child needs and that the parent hopes to institute. This will help mend the bridge from parent to child by introducing an open understanding that each works differently than how originally expected.
Sinclair’s final message reaffirms that, “Autism is not death,” and should not be characterized as such (Sinclair, 1). Parents have this idealized notion that their child should be “perfect” and that somehow this disorder wrecks them of any future they could have possibly held. Parents always feel that they lost a child to autism, but in reality they “lost a child because the child [they] waited for never came into existence” (Sinclair, 1). Parents of children with autism need to comprehend that autism is not a tragedy or the worst thing that could ever happen to the child. Death is the most tragic incident that could happen to the child and autism does not worsen the child, but changes the parents’ label of “normal” and how normal should be described.
When this preconceived notion of what the “normal/perfect” child should is expelled, then children who are labeled with disorders will not be deemed as less. Mending the gap between parents of autism and autistic children themselves can help expand a new, more efficient range of communication. In analyzing the two works, it is made clear that every child reacts differently in any given situation, so a set standard for normal cannot realistically be sanctioned. In turn, parents acceptance of the child’s disorder will increase the bond between the two parties.
We pledge.
Word Count: 1340
Sources:
Sinclair, Jim. “DON’T MOURN FOR US.” Don’t Mourn For Us, www.autreat.com/dont_mourn.html.
Romkema, Craig. “Perspectives” Perspectives
